Tag: Attachment

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Personal development

Admitting mistakes

We are all wrong from time to time. We may have held incorrect opinions. There is some shame in that, but the truly shameful thing is to deny that it happened and refuse to learn from the experience.

We have to take some time to reflect on our own behaviour, and acknowledge our errors of judgement and more importantly the lessons we have learned.

Then we share with others. The more you do this the more people trust and help you. Its a critical step to move away from defensive behaviour.

Once you are open to discussing your failures or lack of judgement it becomes easier and becomes part of your everyday behaviour.

Other benefits is reduces time spent emotionally trying to process or protect the position.

When you have made a mistake, face into speaking up immediately and ensure you are clear on the implementation of the learnings .

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Personal development

Strong ideas loosely held is the path to success.

Often our opinions are not heard by leaders, whether bias, credibility or other reasons. In that moment when there is no acknowledgement or you are shot down or the conversation moves on to someone who is listened to far more than you, you know that you flogging a dead horse. One of my colleagues has a saying “put it in the drawer and dust it down in two years”. When she told me this, I was puzzled. The reason: when I don’t get heard I keep going in the hope the message will land. Repetition irritates others and hope is never a strategy, its better to take my colleagues advice and move on and put the suggestion in the drawer for another day.

Strong opinions are often based on bias, so we need to consider our first position as an initial hypothesis, until we uncover further information to develop an opinion. Source https://medium.com/@ameet/strong-opinions-weakly-held-a-framework-for-thinking-6530d417e364. We need to actively seek out contradictory information instead of clinging to an opinion.

In the words of John Gruber: Strong ideas loosely held is the path to success. The inference is not to cling to your original idea, decision, or forecast even in the face of contradictory information. In fact, actively seek the contradictory information — this provides you with data to iteratively improve the situation or forecast, until you get to the right answer.

If you have not disproved your original opinion, when the opportunity comes knocking, you dust down your opinion and off you go for round 2! However by now you may also have a greater groundswell of support and evidence, but what was implemented is not working.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink: the power of thinking without thinking , makes the argument that people frequently make some of their best decisions in mere seconds. We think without thinking, sizing up situations and determining how we feel about someone or something based not on voluminous new information, but rather on our accumulated experience.

The alternative is that other facts or information have emerged, which demonstrates your opinion or idea was ill informed and its time to well and truly move on. This is also a great personal learning to reflect on what bias created the strong opinion in the first place?

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Personal development

When passion is dangerous at work

I’ve had personal experience and witnessed too many highly-passionate people risk their relationships, risk their reputations, and neglect to appreciate the people around them in order to pursue a dream. I’ve seen too many fail–because their focus on the future makes them oblivious to the present. https://www.inc.com/todd-nordstrom/how-passion-can-destroy-your-potential-according-to-5-experts.html

There is so much written about pursuing your passion at work. There is a health warning that comes with it in the corporate context. In the wrong environment, over used passion is seen as emotion that represents in an imbalance in the person. In startups and entrepreneurial organisations it is celebrated and rewarded.

So why the extremes of perception. I have worked in both and seen it from different lens.

Corporates are looking for calm leaders, who never get emotional or passionate, (may be beneath the surface) just calm and considered. Gravitas. In start ups and SMB, passion is seen as essential to drive success and the team.

When passion is dangerous at work?

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Coaching Influence Strategy

Why I can’t get cut through on my strategy?

strategy4This is a question I am often asked by mentees . My answer today is very different to a few years ago.

When we are attached to an outcome our strategy, we are so focused on ourselves we don’t listen to others, we don’t hear the objections and therefore don’t address the concerns head on. Ignore objections at your peril, as these are the opportunities to engage and path the way to cut through.

Here are the 5 things you need to do to sell your ideas or strategy:

1. Connect with stakeholders, build trust. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Understand their drivers and needs before sharing your strategy. As Dale Carnegie wrote in how to win friends and influence people ‘first seek to understand before you are understood’.

2. Ask questions of stakeholders, present your thoughts on the strategy, draw out their concerns, what they like and what is not clear. Collaborate to evolve the strategy. No one person can come up with a strategy on their own, its always the culmination of many inputs, experiences and knowledge

Don’t present at a Fait Accompli

3. Address every objection. Ignore objections at your peril. Objections show an interest, but never move on, without enquiring, why are you asking this question? go deep, as the objection raised often masks the real concerns.

4. Challenge your own thinking. Attachment without being open to others views can be career limiting.  Thank others for their contribution and ensure you acknowledge individuals for their valuable input and evolution of the strategy

5. If you are unsuccessful, learn and move on. I mean move on, let it go, what did you discover along the way.  Journal or share your leanings .

Success takes patience and time.  Take others on the journey, collaborate, acknowledge inputs of others into the strategy.

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Book Quotes Judgement Leadership Legacy

Eckhart Tolle New Earth

Just finished reading this life changing book. Understanding ego, how it works and why we get ourselves into situations where we are unhappy. https://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963

Our ego is our identity, without it we believe we are nothing. The reality without it we are happy people who can be present. So how does ego show up?

Eckhart Tolle uses examples and stories, that help you recognise where ego gets in the way of happiness.a new earth

Our image of ourselves is derived through where we live, the car we drive, the gym we join, telling others who we know, our celebrity encounters, what we know, our experience, qualifications and the list goes on. We believe we need these to be successful, but what is success if you get there are you are having no more fun!

“Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and non attachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.” Summarised beautifully by Eckhart.

These are articles previously written on the topics:

How quickly can you forgive?

What am I working on? Judgement

The five levels of attachment

This is a book on spirituality and is not a religious book. There are references to religion only.

Further reading on Ego is the enemy of good leadership by Rasmus HougaardJacqueline Carter. https://hbr.org/2018/11/ego-is-the-enemy-of-good-leadership?utm_medium=email&utm_source=tgr_newnlsignup&utm_campaign=nlconfirm_mtod_notactsub_v20191101&deliveryName=DM60315

 

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Book Quotes Leadership Mentoring Personal development

The five levels of attachment

imageJust finished reading The Five Levels of Attachment Toltec Wisdom for the Modern World with don Miguel Ruiz Jr. https://www.amazon.com/Five-Levels-Attachment-Toltec-Wisdom/dp/1938289080

Being a yogi for over 10 years, I though I understood attachment. Through the many operations I have had in the last 6 years; ear,shoulder and feet, I have learned that what I was able to do 12 months ago, I cannot expect to do for some time if ever and with this process I have learned not to be attached. I have celebrated every success in regaining postures, regardless of how minor the achievement has been.

As I said I thought I was doing well until I read this book, I realised that I have a long way to go!

The book is split in to chapters that reflect the 5 stages (See below) of attachment and uses someone attending a football game to describe the persons behaviour in relation to the game. Easy to read and understand.

Level 1: The Authentic Self.
Level 2: Preference.
Level 3: Identity.
Level 4: Internalization.
Level 5: Fanaticism

Many of the world issues today are related level 5.  Looking back on my earlier career I can see I was at level 3, what I did was my identity, I am questioning is this still the case?

Enjoy the read and more importantly the self reflection.