Anger is associated with being attached to an outcome. We become angry, when we don’t feel listened too or we are fobbed off.
Even when we are conscious that we cannot achieve our outcome and we are better to shut up and just listen, the overpowering instinct is to speak up. Colleagues of mine practice leaving the room as they need to calm down.
For me 90% of the time I can keep quiet, but every now and again I am asked a question directly and I cannot hide my displeasure or views. As soon as I start I wish I had remained stum, its too late! I then spend the next few days mulling over what happened and why I spoke up!
On a recent leadership course, I was advised there is a fine line between challenging and being disruptive. The difference is if you ask questions from a point of no attachment and positively seek out the alternative view you can gain a far better outcome. https://angelalovegrove.com/2020/05/10/attractive-challenge/
Making a statement with passion and conviction only stops others from challenging as they can see you are far too emotionally attached to the outcome.
So take time out when you feel frustration or anger, reflect on what is driving this, then write down questions that can support a better conversation and seek the alternative view. This may seem counter intuitive, but it definitely works. It also teaches you not to be attached to the outcome and seek out alternative views. You never know you could change your mind.
Angela Lovegrove 